is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize