everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
