the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
