my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize