4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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