I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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