Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
