Someone shit on the floor
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
