You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Alive.
So much puke
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
