Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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