You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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