Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
