In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She even gives head with a lisp.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
