I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
