i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
