If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
