we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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