I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
