Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
