Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
wow bdsm is so cute
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
