4 words: hood of his car
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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