I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
