All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
