My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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