She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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