please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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