And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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