my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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