This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
