Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize