Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
