i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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