So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
