walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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