Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
