Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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