She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize