We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
