Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
