So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize