What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
