i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
