mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We need a shit load of segways right now
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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