Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize