Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
