Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
