I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
