its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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