The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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