Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
