One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
