Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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