I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
