i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
