dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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