So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it was like eating out sand paper
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
