Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize