God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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