I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
