Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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