walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
