Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
