remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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