I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
