she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
