you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
