from now on my penis is your penis
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
