so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
