Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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