Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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