Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize